“Because it's of my own volition.”

A's is over.
And I'm so bored!

I think I need to plan what I should do the next few months, or snugging up at home like this will just make me die of boredom. Hehe.
But okay, A's is over and I'm more than happy!


Aye yes I realised I haven't posted proper in weeks. Haha I think i've had my nerd mode on lately, well not willingly, maybe 50%. See my phone kinda died on me so I've had my distractions cut off abrubtly. No twitter, no internet, no facebook, no apps. (Pretty sad) but it makes me sit and study, seriously.

So much has happened recently, & it all felt so good. More than good, incredible.

So please don't leave, cause that's what I said I will do from the start.


Take my hand, take my whole life too.

'Love is the only drug you can take that will convince you each time that you've never had it before.'


Today, right now. I'm gonna listen to this song, let it flow through me, I'm gonna feel how i once felt and for all of it that never were it's the end, the end to it. All of you, of everything that never were. Everything, even the memories.

I wanna open myself up to love, it's so amazing so captivating I have no reason to close myself in any longer yes get that trepidation out of me.


It's like being caught in a colourful swirl. It's breathtaking, it's love.


Happygirlyay
Because everything changes, & with that 50-50 chance of being lucky, I think I got that. Yipee!

The pages will continue flipping with a change in the story yet to come. My task is easy.

Wait.

This doesn't feel very good, neither does it feel right. But it's okay, an Aries is always mentally prepared for such scenes before it happens. Read it online. And I really am (:


The lines connecting us are becoming so blur(or was there even any),
that i think it's gonna evanesce soon(maybe it already has).
Bye you, :]

Okay Imma end abruptly today.

Everyone's busy.
Everyone's pretty much in their own world.
Where's mine?

That, I Love You is a big word.

I can't upload picturessss using my phone. ): Oh well then its gna be all wordddddds. Prolly upload some when I'm on my comp. (Y)
Imma catch some sleep.

I just downloaded a blogger client through the android market. I'm thinking I should update this space pretty soon, it's been empty for awhile now.
But I'm stressing it musn't impede my study sessions. (Or so I hope)

Noisy places fill up the spaces.



I've found my motivation to study & that's really awesome. I think itz cause' of da awesome place. Serene, quiet, no distractions(other than my phone). Funny how I always look forward to studying there.
I just hope it works.


I know some truth so hard to swallow.
But sometimes we confuse our feelings with the truth.
I guess it's time i start facing up to my feelings & stop running away. I don't wanna be stuck in this cycle for too long. I know how I feel but I am sure too what won't happen even if I do.

Breathe you out
Breathe you in
You keep coming back to tell me
you’re the one who could have been
And my eyes see it all so clear
It was long ago and far away but it never disappears
I try to put it in the past
Hold on to myself and don’t look back

I don’t wanna dream about
All the things that never were
Maybe I can live without
When I’m out from under
I don’t wanna feel the pain
What good would it do me now
I’ll get it all figured out
When I’m out from under

So let me go
Just let me fly away
Let me feel the space between us growing deeper
And much darker every day
Watch me now and I’ll be someone new
My heart will be unbroken
It will open up for everyone but you
Even when I cross the line
It's like a lie I’ve told a thousand times

And part of me still believes
When you say you’re gonna stick around
And part of me still believes
We can find a way to work it out
But I know that we tried everything we could try
So let's just say goodbye
Forever

Please do.

I've found my motivation to study & that's really awesome. I think itz cause' of da awesome place. Serene, quiet, no distractions(other than my phone). Funny how I always look forward to studying there!
I just hope it works.


Right now everything just seem so fine. I wish it'll stay this way. Sometimes it's just precarious.
I think making decisions are a chore.
And I keep sneezing and sneezing and sneezing and...... Itz really annoying ):
School tomorrowz. Argh, why won't they let us off on a Saturday.




That's one huge problem unsettled.

Me love ma new found study spot (:


I could do this all day long. Think about everything that's on my mind, maybe sort out what's wrong & what's worth. Then conceivably, everything will be fine. But time won't permit ): And how will a bed float on water anyway(maybe it does, it just doesn't make sense).
Hahahah, I always happen to think of nice quotes(somehow), just before I fall alseep. And every single time I swear I'll keep it in my brains and note it down the next morning. But somewhere, somehow when I'm up...... I can't remember. So today I grabbed my phone before I fell into slumberland and typed.

'One day h'll watcs the sunset with you, I just don't knoy who'

Oh I caught a glimpse of the sunset before lying down, I must've been thinking about it. And I must've really tired, I didn't remember typing that till I checked my drafts like prolly 2 hours later.

I guess I'm going woozy trying to squeeze so much into my head. Imma remove unwanted stuff soon. And put like math, physics, chemistry, econs in. Soon. (!)




So this is how I end my week. New fav bag, leather slippers, & probably a confirmatory end to something special. But itz okay, there're 2 sides to everything no?
-
In 2 days.
I need to focus.
Heart, mind, soul.
All in, one time, one chance.

If best is what I can do, I'll do my best. :)
Better keep to my word cause this 365-day project is reaching its due date soon.




I guess that's about the whole point. I prolly went crazy in the wee hours of the morning. Now i'm awake, brains thinking fresh, eyes wide open. :) Ain't this just awesomez.
I'm making my way to PP again laterz, & I'm betting I'll buy Koi again though everytime I promise myself not to. I succumb to temptations easily, & this is bad. Arghs. I like this picture a lot, I have no idea why.


And on a second note, I want my HTC Legend & i'm gonna set that pretty picture as my wallpaper. Teehee. Idk I want a new phone, just not an iPhone I guess, too common and too user-friendly.
_

Do you have something in the corner of your mess somewhere that you know itz there & it should be thrown away but you never ever will? Well I do and I kinda remember where it is but I doubt i'm ever gonna take it out. Maybe I'll just misplace it someday & forget about its whereabouts. (grins)
I like the way things are now.
Just maintain status-quo.
And move one step at a time, but much quicker.

Sometimes that feeling comes back, like I miss you so fucking bad. Or maybe just these few days. What I consciously know is that I want you obliterated. But I think, what I unconsciously need. Is you. Maybe what they say is true, I still love you. But how can I? After all that you've put me through.
You're a jerk inside out.
No no no, I don't, I really don't. I don't love you. It's just how I've been thinking about it aft conversations about you with those friends, its really absurd how I think itz still possible. I've listed out scenarios, & for everyone of them that I can think of, none of it will work out.

K i'm done thanks.
All these only took probably 15 minutes of my life. I guess this is how we live, memories lingering back & fourth. I'm just human enough, that's all. (:
Can't believe I felt that way, yuck.

Hahahahahha 221AM, I need to catch some sleep.



I think i'm becoming nocturnal. I slept very late yesterday and woke up at 3pm today. This is ominous because school is starting in 5 days(argh) and i'm gonna dread pulling myself outta bed at 6am everyday.
I always think that by A lvls, i'll be armed with super academic skills. Like I'll remember every definition & formula & solve maybe 90% of the questions that's thrown at me and (blah blah). But how will that happen, I find myself in uncertainty nowadays. They say if we start right now(or was that a month ago) then it's not too late.
Sigh, A levels is scary.
I'm feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders.


Sounds interesting!




I think my deepest secret- I am so in love with you, but you know nothing at all. I think about you all the time, and maybe the only time i take you off my mind is when i'm consciously tackling those chemistry questions, or in other words, studying. But between breaks or minutes of pauses, oh well.

I am adamant on loving you 



I love,
√ Study sessions
√ Nonsensical jokes
√ Coffee bean
√ Walks
√ Laughs

with the usual bunch.
:)



Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?

Teachers need to stop complaining.
Parents need to stop nagging.

No wait.
I need to start studying first.
:/


How did that happen, so quickly?
(But i'm lovin it)

It' the GSS and i want to shop but i'm alr broke cause i spent all my money before the GSS even started. Oh well ):

Rafael(small boy) tickles me pink.

Rafael says:
hahaha
thats what happens to greedy mosquitos
that will teach the rest of them to come and fly around while im eating
next time it'll be worse

Dionne. says:
heh
where's your humanity man
tsk

Rafael says:
hahaha
what humanity
steamboat buffet
is mine
i paid for it
it was stealing from me
thats just a very mild form of punishment
it had a quick death


That's Tan Li An. Hahahahhahahahah loveeeeeez.

Exams are finally over. But no wait, on second thought, exams are only over in Nov-Dec. Screw A levels, it's too much. Tsk.
---

Closed my eyes, let the music flow through, ain't that the best feelin'; moments of peace which makes everything feel so simple.
The world's so pretty, we should just learn to love.
Well i guess nothing's ever so easy, if only everyone were in my shoes.

Breathe.

Freeze my heart'




It's easier just to stay happy.
I'm gonna arm myself with an invisible shield; i'm gonna filter out all the bad stuff.

ILOVEME:)



So tell me what this is all about.

This thing about love?
Good? Bad? And the worse thing is that you don't even know which is for you.
'I will not fall in love', i really won't. But sometimes it's really not up to me to deicde. Are you real, are you imaginary? Who'll answer my doubts.
Do i like you, do i not? I don't know myself either.

What I know now is that i really have had enough of this shit. It's like going one big round and finding myself right back at the origin.

These few days was a flurry of emotions.
And i should have known better than to have done anything more.

So many question marks, so much unanswered.
I think i'm in quite a mess.
Gotta fix myself up.



There's a reason why some people in the past don't make it into your future, and that entire reason teaches you how to cherish, and love better than how you used to.


Love OGO5(big time).



'Right?'
Sometimes you ask yourself.
Doubting.

This time it's yes.
And i'm liking it.

Wilt like a flower, go on.



Had a mini project work gathering with Dr Choe and 1S22'10 today.
I miss them much.
(:

K time to studyz.


One step at a time, only much quicker.

An unfilled canvas, a palette of pretty colours.

(:


Everytime i wish someone Gong Xi Fa Cai,
i'll be tempted to say,
Hong Bao Na Lai(Handover the red packets).

That's damn rude no?
But it's damn right too man.
Teehee.

Money money money.
(I want)


Always look on the bright side of life.
Da da dum dum da da dee dum.
:)



I WANT TO GO TO THE IR AGAIN.
Walked around Sentosa with Htoo man.
HAHAHA BFF for life!



Exhasting list of assignments to complete.
Test to study.

But so tired ):


This is Ivan Quack(unreal surname), inside joke. Teehee.
My secondary school table buddy, remember those times when we got caught by teachers for every stupid/mischievious reason.
Fun times :D

When for Zhenci's chalet, HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE GIRL. <3
And i left early in hope that i'll complete a lil bit of assignments.
But.............
HAHA TOMORROW.




Just a little. :)

YAY, because 2S18 was champion for Outdoor PE! I love my class.

The freshmen are coming next week and i'm gonna get busy being an OGL! Looking forward but at the same time worrying about how i'm gonna cope with the workload. ): When it's already taking up all day right now without much activities.

I need proper time-management skills.
Heh!




We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace. And those who have left a tattoo in you, when you know that it's time to burn it off, it really is. No matter how hard it takes, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how how long it'll take, you have to. It'll leave a scar, but so what? It's destroyed.

I need to stay this way.
I need to stop the tears.
This is difficult, but I can't give up on myself.

Stay strong Dionne.
Stay strong.
You need to move on.


Steady now, stay firm, stand strong.

I feel like everything's all back to square one. And it feels kinda great, surprisingly!
I'm lovin' life now, despite the heavy workload.

Need to stop using Facebook, crap!
Oh and I like my new class.
And teehee, that guy is ( ). =P
All over again.



CHEERS TO 2S18, WE WON ALL 4 GAMES!
HIP HIP HOORAY.


OGL CAMP WAS SPLENDID.
Screamed our voices off.
Played our best.
Cheered our loudest.
Danced our prettiest.
I LOVE ORION.
We're totally a great bunch man.

ROCK ON PEOPLE!




I'll try.
Over, and over, and over, and over, and over again.
Till i'm there, till i've reached.
Till i'm strong.
_

Studied with JunKai & Brian today! At least i finished up my tuition homework.
And JunKai got me hooked to a new taiwan drama. (''.)
Oh no.



I love talking to Joe- my math tuition teacher. He never failed to make me feel better.
An all-time joker but yet he makes total sense, all these things about life, love.
' You happy, I happy, what for think so much? ' Of course that's not all he said, but although this sounds dense, actually being happy is truly the key.



Maybe it has always been the maybes for the past few months, these maybes that gives me a lil hope. Maybe you still feel that little bit for me, maybe this is all just a dream. Maybe, we'll love all over again.
But it's 2010, it's how time waits for no one.

Thanks for being the best part in 2009, but it's 2010 now baby.
It's time to move on. And i'd say thanks to you.

I've cried so much, i probably don't even know why anymore. For i feel so empty sometimes, i don't understand why things would turn out this way when I thought it was all supposed to be when you said so. I guess you've took a big part of me, and now it's my job to fill it back in with love from my other lovelies, except you. Not that i don't need your love, but it's your love I believe i'll make do without.
Because i'll find someone better, & i know it myself.
The love from my friends, family, i love them so much.
I love my friends, all those who've always been there. I've probably said this a thousand times, I love my friends, I love my friends, I love my friends, cause i really do. I guess the simplest way to say it, is when it's from the bottom of my heart.

School's starting in no time.
And in no time i'll be seeing you around in school again. But it's no more awkwardness or sadness. Because i'll tell myself to stay strong and put everything behind and just look at you with a smile. I've done it before, so many times. I'm sure i'll do it again.
I hope you will too, to start this friendship all over again.

This love, the same love that made me laugh and made me cry.
Thanks dear, for those oh-so-wonderful times.
I'm sure we'll be goodfriends, :D
I wouldn't want to lose a friend like you!